You’re Not Alone: Honoring Pregnancy Loss

In honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, I wanted to include a list of helpful resources I’ve found in my journey writing about my own miscarriages and loss. Back when I first went through this, I thought I was alone in my loss. When I wrote about my loss for BuzzFeed and filmed a companion video, I soon learned that I was not alone. I had the honor of receiving hundreds of emails, tweets, and Facebook messages from women and men who have lost pregnancies or infants. Most of their stories broke my heart. Stories of guilt, blame, and shame that they felt. People who should support them, blaming them for the loss of their pregnancy or child.

If there’s anything I can say to anyone who has been through this, I would say this: I am so sorry for your loss. You are not alone. You are not to blame. Your grief is not shameful. Take the time you need. Your loss is profound and impactful. Reach out to a close friend or someone you trust.

If you need guidance, I suggest these resources and hope that they help. I had been working on a book proposal to bring together these important stories and resources, but sadly, a few publishers have already rejected the proposal. I have put the project on hold until I feel ready to return to it. It was quite an emotional project to put together, and despite my best efforts, even feminist-leaning publishers turned it down. But I carry with me the hope that my story and journey have helped other women and men share their stories, so we don’t live in secrecy about something that is common and sadly part of pregnancy for some.

RESOURCES

  • Dr. Jessica Zucker. Her NY Times essay on her miscarriage inspired me to write about my own. She started the #IHadaMiscarriage hashtag. Search it on Twitter if you want to take comfort in the many stories that are out there.
  • Pregnancy After Loss. For those trying to get pregnant after experiencing miscarriage, this is a great resource for wrestling with the anxiety you may feel when trying again.
  • Jennifer Massoni Pardini. She has written extensively about her own losses and has a Baby Loss Resources section on her website.
  • Don’t Talk About The Baby. This Kickstarter-funded documentary film that explores the culture of silence and shame surrounding pregnancy loss and infertility. Their Facebook is a great community.
  • Through The Heart. A nonprofit organization with many resources on its site, along with free Comfort Kits for those who have experienced loss.

Sending a hug to those who need it! If you feel comfortable, share your story with me in the comments.

4 Comments on “You’re Not Alone: Honoring Pregnancy Loss

  1. Shame on the publishers who have rejected your proposal. I’ve heard that 1 in 4 women suffer at least one miscarriage in their life – that’s 25%! But people are afraid to talk about it, so women don’t realize how common it is, and when it happens to them, they don’t have the support or resources that they deserve. I’m really proud of you for becoming an activist for this cause. You’re brave and it’s important to speak out. Your daughters are going to be proud of you too.

    • Thank you so much, Jaya. I hope that by being honest that more women will share their stories, whether it’s with a close friend or in a larger forum. I hope to make my daughters very proud some day. Gosh, it’s amazing to even think about that! Thank you, friend.

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